people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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