Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
