i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
