Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
