You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
