dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
