did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
