At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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