two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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