I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
