Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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