I will die if light touches me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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