Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
