Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
