i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
