She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
