You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
