Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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