Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They took my balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
