she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize