i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
