The maid of honor just puked.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
