BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
