honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
