I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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