I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
