She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
