John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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