My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
