Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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