i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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