This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
