just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
