Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
