yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
