I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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