so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
