I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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