If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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