i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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