I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
do nipples grow back?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
