There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
