dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
