if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
