It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
