Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
