i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
