and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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