I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize