Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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