omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
