Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
