I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
