Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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