Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Still dying that you shit outside
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
