hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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