I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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