I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
