remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
