She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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