dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He? As in you personified your dick?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
