Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
