people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
