Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
