i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
