you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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