I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
