idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i came on her dog
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
