my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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