I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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