He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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