I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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