it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
