Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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