So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
