its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
