I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize