Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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