Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
