I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
