I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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