Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
