From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's always time for handjobs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
this hospital has no fireball
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
