i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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