don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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