We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
