smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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