Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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